- By Susan James
Well ladies, today i’m about to get real about some things. I promise I won’t be vague about it either, so lets get to it. Lately I have began to notice some things that really piss me off as a parent. We all know that being a parent is HARD. Every age comes with its own frustrations. As parents we talk about how hard of a time our kids can give us but what we never seem to talk about is how we give each other a hard time. I’m not talking about spouses either. I’m talking about the parent who is silently judging the mom at the check out while her child is screaming because he missed his nap that day. I’m talking about the parents whose favorite phrase is “oh, my child would NEVER act like that”. I’m talking about the the parent whispering to their spouse, “that child needs a good spanking” or “ gosh, she’s having another one” or the grandparent telling their kids “ well you know this is how I did it with you”. I have two boys myself, my oldest is four and youngest is almost one and a half. I am also pregnant with our third, which was a huge surprise but is also what caused me to really start thinking about how I looked at other parents. The night I found out we would be welcoming #3 and told my husband, I felt like I had a weight in my stomach. I wasn’t excited, which in return made me feel guilty. It’s not that I would not love this baby but all I could think about was what everyone else was going to think. All I could think about was the judgement that I felt was about to come. I’m sure you’re thinking, “ Why would anyone judge you?” Well, last year my husband and I struggled hard. We got through it and are better now because of it but unfortunately that’s not how everyone will see it. My older sister had also found out she was pregnant about six weeks prior. So all I could think was everyone is going to think I did this for attention. It sounds crazy, I know but really there are people like that out there. Lastly, all I could think was will this baby be accepted. I’ll explain my reason for this thought. My oldest son was recently referred to a behavioral specialist, it was hard for me to grasp but I know it will help him. We began to realize around his third birthday that there were just some things he did differently. He has a lot of trouble handling his emotions, which can result in meltdowns. I know they say to ignore judgement but it’s hard as a mom. I remember all the looks and the passive aggressive comments. He is a lot to handle sometimes but when YOU see a meltdown, I see a cry for help. I am all for discipline, I want my kids to know wrong from right and use their manners just like anyone else. What I am tired of, is the judgment from other parents. Why do we have to judge each other? Whether you’re a grandparent, brother or sister, or even just a friend. Why are we so quick to judge but lack support? Why is it so hard to encourage each other? The truth is, that mom in the check out that you are giving the dirty looks, she knows exactly what your thinking and is wishing she was invisible in that moment. That child you said “ just needs a good spanking”, there may be more to the story than you realize. I guess when you break it down our kids won’t always be accepted by everyone. So here is my advice mamas and believe me when I say I am still learning to do these things myself.
1. STOP GIVING A DA** ABOUT WHAT OTHER PARENTS THINK! 2. Love the absolute mess out of your child! And 3. When you get those dirty looks or hear the comments, don’t let it affect you.
The truth is NO ONE will love your child the way you do. So steer them in the right direction and show them how to not be “judgy.” Lastly, stop judging other parents and maybe ask them if they need a hand instead. I mean hell, they would probably just appreciate a smile and maybe a little silent prayer for their day to get better. I say all of this to say, we CAN do better. Whether its being a better parent, friend, grandparent, sister or brother. We can be each other’s support, we just have to start reaching out and helping each other! Rock on mamas!
by: Susan James