I screamed at my son today…. Then we both fell to the floor and cried. There are so many things about being a mom of three that I told myself wouldn’t happen. Guess what…we are… More
I will be the first to tell you I’ve been down this road before … and by road I mean, I’ve started a blog. Well, actually I’ve started a couple and just eventually stopped writing. I can honestly say with my past blogs I was indecisive in the story I felt called to tell. Today, I at least know the direction I am heading and so a new journey begins and as the scripture says … God is in me. I will not fail!
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- By Susan James
Well ladies, today i’m about to get real about some things. I promise I won’t be vague about it either, so lets get to it. Lately I have began to notice some things that really piss me off as a parent. We all know that being a parent is HARD. Every age comes with its own frustrations. As parents we talk about how hard of a time our kids can give us but what we never seem to talk about is how we give each other a hard time. I’m not talking about spouses either. I’m talking about the parent who is silently judging the mom at the check out while her child is screaming because he missed his nap that day. I’m talking about the parents whose favorite phrase is “oh, my child would NEVER act like that”. I’m talking about the the parent whispering to their spouse, “that child needs a good spanking” or “ gosh, she’s having another one” or the grandparent telling their kids “ well you know this is how I did it with you”. I have two boys myself, my oldest is four and youngest is almost one and a half. I am also pregnant with our third, which was a huge surprise but is also what caused me to really start thinking about how I looked at other parents. The night I found out we would be welcoming #3 and told my husband, I felt like I had a weight in my stomach. I wasn’t excited, which in return made me feel guilty. It’s not that I would not love this baby but all I could think about was what everyone else was going to think. All I could think about was the judgement that I felt was about to come. I’m sure you’re thinking, “ Why would anyone judge you?” Well, last year my husband and I struggled hard. We got through it and are better now because of it but unfortunately that’s not how everyone will see it. My older sister had also found out she was pregnant about six weeks prior. So all I could think was everyone is going to think I did this for attention. It sounds crazy, I know but really there are people like that out there. Lastly, all I could think was will this baby be accepted. I’ll explain my reason for this thought. My oldest son was recently referred to a behavioral specialist, it was hard for me to grasp but I know it will help him. We began to realize around his third birthday that there were just some things he did differently. He has a lot of trouble handling his emotions, which can result in meltdowns. I know they say to ignore judgement but it’s hard as a mom. I remember all the looks and the passive aggressive comments. He is a lot to handle sometimes but when YOU see a meltdown, I see a cry for help. I am all for discipline, I want my kids to know wrong from right and use their manners just like anyone else. What I am tired of, is the judgment from other parents. Why do we have to judge each other? Whether you’re a grandparent, brother or sister, or even just a friend. Why are we so quick to judge but lack support? Why is it so hard to encourage each other? The truth is, that mom in the check out that you are giving the dirty looks, she knows exactly what your thinking and is wishing she was invisible in that moment. That child you said “ just needs a good spanking”, there may be more to the story than you realize. I guess when you break it down our kids won’t always be accepted by everyone. So here is my advice mamas and believe me when I say I am still learning to do these things myself.
1. STOP GIVING A DA** ABOUT WHAT OTHER PARENTS THINK! 2. Love the absolute mess out of your child! And 3. When you get those dirty looks or hear the comments, don’t let it affect you.
The truth is NO ONE will love your child the way you do. So steer them in the right direction and show them how to not be “judgy.” Lastly, stop judging other parents and maybe ask them if they need a hand instead. I mean hell, they would probably just appreciate a smile and maybe a little silent prayer for their day to get better. I say all of this to say, we CAN do better. Whether its being a better parent, friend, grandparent, sister or brother. We can be each other’s support, we just have to start reaching out and helping each other! Rock on mamas!
by: Susan James
And there it was …The new beginnings of all beginnings two thousand years ago began with my saviors physical end. That is only his end here in the physical. Because just days later he would rise having paid the price for my sin. Having paid the price for my every poor decision. Having paid the price for the Grace only He and His Father could extend to me. I could not be more grateful.
April is National Sexual Assault awareness month. I believe in education. I believe knowing the facts helps you not to become one of the statistics. If you are reading this and you are a survivor KNOW that you are not alone. Shame does not have to be your destiny! You have a voice and there are millions of your sisters who will stand beside you, stand behind you, they’ve gone before you! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
One in three women will experience some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime. 1 in 3? Three women in your family that means 1 of them will be sexually assaulted! One in Three!!!
One in six men will experience some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime.
63 percent of sexual assaults are not reported to police. Why would someone who has been sexually assaulted NOT report it to the police? Fear, the person who assaulted them has threatened them in some way. For children this is easily done. This is the number 1 way to keep them quiet. Another reason one may not report sexual assault is that they don’t consider it to be assault. Perhaps it was date rape, perhaps they don’t recognize it as assault, it wasn’t violent and yet they were talked into something they didn’t want to do. Lastly, shame. The victim in someway feels like it is their fault. Perhaps she thinks her clothes were too provocative, or she flirted or lead him on. Whatever the reason that is OVER half of all sexual assaults are NOT reported.
More than 90 percent of sexual assault victims on college campuses do not report the assault. This statistic is absolutely heartbreaking. College, its supposed to be the time of your life. I can only for a moment imagine that a sexual assault during those years will forever taint your college experience.
One in five women will be raped at some point in their lives. RAPED … have a violent invasive act performed against them. Held down, forced to allow a man to enter her body, possibly beat up or drugged. ONE IN FIVE …. Let that sink in.
One in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives and unfortunately the acts performed against them will sadly go mostly unnoticed.
51.1 percent of female rape victims reported being raped by an intimate partner. WHAT!? Someone she trusts, Someone she has already allowed to be intimate with her. WHY would he feel it necessary to violently force her against her will?
40.8 percent of female rape victims reported being raped by an acquaintance. Don’t let your guard down and for goodness sake women be careful who you introduce to your children
8 percent of rapes occurred while the victim is at work. The fact that this even happens baffles me.
Bottom line – This blog is for women so I will address you here …. IT IS NEVER, AND I MEAN NEVER OK FOR SOMEONE TO FORCE YOU TO ALLOW THEM TO TOUCH YOU AGAINST YOUR WILL ! HEAR ME AGAIN … NEVER OK! Not your dad, your grandfather, your uncle, aunt, sister, mother, boyfriend, friends father, your husband, the guy who walked you back to your dorm room after class, the guy you’ve gone out with a couple of times, It is NEVER OK!
If you or someone you know experienced sexual assault and is seeking resources, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
These statistics all come from NSVRC
Happy Ex-Spouse day!!!! Who knew they had such a thing!? So, I’ve been married twice, on my way to being divorced twice and that makes two ex-husbands and lots of lessons. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever say that I had … 2 ex-husbands. Broken relationships seem to be all I know BUT … with brokenness comes a new opportunity to mend and grow and that is exactly what I’ve done through the years. What I know about myself now is that I fall fast and for years I loved the free fall, I craved it like an adrenaline junkie. You know that new relationship feeling that gives you butterflies and goosebumps all at the same time. The one that makes you feel like you could fly. The one that gives you your highest highs and in a split second, your lowest lows. I’m learning to control the fall a bit. I believe it’s because I have so much to give. I want to love bigger than life and yet it escapes me. I am determined not to only find the break, not to only see the ache and the failure but to also realize the lessons I have the opportunity to learn along the way. I’d love to share just 5 of the many leason’s I’ve learned.
- There is NO MAN worth giving up yourself for. There are men who will drain the very life out of you. They will suck your spirit dry. They will take everything you are willing to give. Don’t give yourself up. Don’t change to make them like you. Don’t give even a piece of you up to be anything different than you have been created to be!
- In the end it boils down to this small fact, you only have control over you. You can’t make anyone like you, love you, respect you, care about you. You do you and in the end those meant to find you will.
- If a man wants you, he will make time for you. You won’t have to beg him or bribe him. He honestly won’t be able to get enough for you.
- If he loves you and recognizes your value, he will rid his life of anything that threatens his relationship with you.
- The fact that someone has chosen to loose you does NOT cheapen your value. Mourn the loss if you must but don’t you dare stay there! Pick your self up, wipe the tears and if you didn’t wear waterproof mascara, wipe the streaks off your face and reapply, shake it off and know that you know that you know …God is able to bring beauty from your ashes, you just have to be willing to hand them over.
Much Love! SB
What better poem to share on National Poetry day than my all time favorite by Shel Silverstein ! Enjoy!
If you did not see “Kai the singer” on American Idol, and even if you did, you really should watch again.check out Kai the singer here
It must be said … I really want to be like her when I grow up! I mean, it takes something in your depths to be able to view life and its many challenges like she does . I’m not talking about your everyday hardships. You know, like my credit card bill is due and I don’t know how I’m going to pay it or We eatin’ beanie weenies for dinner all week before pay day. No, this girl said she and her family lived in their car and she was THANKFUL for the car!!! I am sure many, probably most of us Americans have a difficult time wrapping our head around that. I can only speak for myself and say I feel certain I unfortunately, would probably not demonstrate the same attitude in that situation.
We as a society have become so accustomed to having our own space, our privacy, we don’t share our telephone and we have personal sized everything. That puts us in a really selfish mindset. Lord help me not to be selfish, help me not to forget all the blessings you have poured out over my life, help me to look at my world through the eyes of Kai the singer!
I also cannot end this without saying …. GREAT JOB MOM AND DAD! IT IS OBVIOUS THIS YOUNG LADY HAS HAD INCREDIBLE GUIDANCE.
Did you know it’s national PB&J day. I mean really, who knew there was such a thing! Who doesn’t love a good PB&J sandwich? Have you ever thought how many ways there are to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? There is a decision at every turn.
Step #1 the bread .. white or wheat? Does the bread matter to you? Do you prefer white squishy bread, crust-less or with crust? Step #2. What kind of peanut butter. There are a great many out there. The brands are endless. Not only do you have to decide on brand but once you have that figured out you also must decide if you want whipped, creamy, crunchy, natural? I personally prefer creamy Peter Pan. #peterpanpeanutbutter
Step#3 “buttering your bread. Do you “butter” 1 piece of bread or both. Do you use a spoon, meaning you really like that peanut butter thick or do you spread it thin with a knife? Do you go all the way to the edges for cut it a little short hoping to keep it neat and clean.
Step #4 OHHHH you then must decide, Jelly, Jam or honey? If you use jam or jelly, you have to determine the flavor you are in the mood for? I am a grape jelly girl all the way. Do you apply your jelly the same way you do your peanut butter. Thick or thin, 1 side or 2?
LET’S NOT LEAVE OUT THE FOLKS WHO MIX THEIR PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY IN A BOWL BEFORE THEY SPREAD IT …. WEIRD, BUT I’VE HEARD OF IT.
Step #5 To cut or eat whole. If you decide to cut, how many pieces, do you cut it diagonal or vertical?
My perfect PB and J? Fresher than fresh white, squishy, bunny bread, Peter Pan Peanut Butter, creamy … “butter” both sides of the bread using a spoon and making sure it is thick, creating little divots for the jelly to sit in. Then and only then do I use a spoon to apply the jelly, cut it diagonal in 2 pieces and enjoy. Now who wants to talk about the multiple ways to eat a pbandj? Yeah … me either.
Side note … I made this PB&J for my little brother who is a PB&J expert … if you know me you know I don’t do Strawberry … ANYTHING … BLECH
So let’s hear it … how do you make your favorite peanut butter and jelly?